‘By putting my marriage first, I am ensuring that the relationship that is central to my daughter’s world is protected’

June 1, 2019

 


As a new parent, I’ve found that it’s very easy to get caught up in parenting and only parenting. I’ve seen it day in and day out, both before and after I’ve become a mum, where children become the centre of a couple’s world. 


While I believe that it is (of course) essential to nurture our children, I would be really unhappy if my life was only about them. As a happily-married mum, from the day I got pregnant, I decided that my marriage would get the same if not more nurturing than my relationship with Ruhi and any future babies. I’ve learnt that a strong bond between hubby and I within our marital home is the best thing I can provide my kid(s).
 
Here’s why:

A Strong Marriage is the best lesson for my children.
Marriage is hard and if my relationship isn’t rock solid, hostility can jeopardise my ability to be a great parent. By putting my marriage first, I am ensuring that the relationship that is central to Ruhi’s (My daughter) world is protected. This isn’t selfish, this is imperative to her happiness.
 
By bringing up Ruhi in a healthy marriage, I am giving her the best environment possible to feel safe and loved. I am showing her how two people can co-exist as a team through love, respect and affection, even as many years pass. I would want this for her so why would I not provide myself the same?
 
There is life after kids
Ruhi is going to leave me after twenty years or so, but my marriage is something that I want to last a lifetime. Therefore, it deserves the most attention. We also have to remember that spouses aren’t housemates they are our partners. This means both mentally and physically. I am sure like me you never want to get to a place, where the kids are gone, and you can’t remember why you got married in the first place.
 
Personal Space is Key to my being
While we haven’t done this all too much yet, I believe it’s important that we have time alone, or double-date with friends. Now that Ruhi is nearly half a year old, we have put some fabulous date nights into our calendar. The same goes for making time for things I love. Nights out with my friends. Concerts, the gym, my nails. By putting a focus on the person, I am, I am teaching Ruhi about self-care and independence. I am also indirectly instilling confidence in her to be her own person.

My Kids Don’t have to be my absolute focus
I stand strongly in the belief that to bring up happy, well-rounded human beings in a marital home, there needs to be extreme solidarity between husband and wife.

As a parent, I hope that Shivam and I always discuss any view points before we make decisions for Ruhi and never undermine one another. I hope I never end up with children who are self-centred and thankless because I put their every need before my own.


As a wife, I hope that we continue to recognise each other’s strengths with displays of gratitude. I hope that we continue to love one another until the day death do us part.


As a woman, I hope that I continue to be a proud mother and wife, but also not lose who I am. I am Natasha and hope to always be known as me, before anything else.


Author credit: Natasha Yadave  

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