'I never understand the stigma around cesarean births…until I was told I wouldn’t be delivering

I never understand the stigma around cesarean births…until I was told I wouldn’t be delivering my twin baby girls naturally. All of the feelings hit me like a truck. I never in a million years thought I would have those feelings. I mean, as long as myself and the babies are healthy, that truly is all that matters. I felt all kinds of emotions. The main one being betrayed. Like my body was letting me down and not allowing me to experience a natural birth. After 3 miscarriages and a few years of infertility, all I wanted was a natural delivery with a healthy mom and babies in the end. My first delivery with my son, who is almost 6, was natural but it was a very traumatic. Even so, I still had hopes that I would bring my miracle girls into this world as naturally as possible. And then it hit me. This was natural. This was the only way my baby girls could join us earth side. With one baby being breach and the other being transverse, this was their natural way of telling me and the Doctors that they needed to be delivered via c section. Having a planned c section was actually a really strange feeling to me. Waking up one morning knowing fully that I was about to meet the humans I had been growing for 37 weeks was so surreal. I am a planner through and through, but this brought a whole new meaning to being prepared. The procedure went flawlessly and everything was perfect, but if I’m being honest, I wasn’t in love with the process. The epidural hurt so much and the feeling of being completely numb from my chest down was really heavy and odd. It was such an out of body experience for me to know that beyond that curtain was my open body. I felt very exposed and helpless. It truly wasn’t my most favorite experience in life, but it did bring me my babies, so I just took deep breaths and tried to be as present and calm as I could be. My recovery was fairly unproblematic. There were no concerns or any issues that arouse. But I tell you, trying to nurse twins while recovering from a c section is no joke. OUCH! But after everything, I wouldn’t change a thing. I got to experience both forms of delivery and I can honestly say I wouldn’t choose one over the other. Both bring life into this world and truly that is the ultimate goal.

Author credit: Nicole Modde

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